@daemonic3: Welcome to Condescending Club. Even an idiot would know the 1st rule. If not, you want paaaatronizing club. You know what that is, riiiight?
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@slimmy_shady: MARRIAGE PROTIP - Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.
@flashember: DAUGHTER: Mom asked me to check on you and the eggnog making ME [wrestling a screaming chicken into a blender full of milk]: GRAB ITS LEGS