@trevso_electric: Welcome to earth! You have a choice of private parts. Would you like the one that creates life & bleeds or the constant bad decision maker?
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@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro
@iwearaonesie: wife: How was work? [flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast"] me:Good
@hrtbps: "I have parrot-like reflexes." "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"
@IamEnidColeslaw: If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?