@trevso_electric: Welcome to earth! You have a choice of private parts. Would you like the one that creates life & bleeds or the constant bad decision maker?
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@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.
@mikeleffingwell: Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they're singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
@SCbchbum: My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.