@freypalm: “Welcome to Fight Club,” said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: 16 yr old nephew bought me a Miley Cyrus CD. He said "Listen to it, it'll change your mind. It did change my mind. I used to like my nephew.
@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.
@Vodkantots: My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me.