@freypalm: “Welcome to Fight Club,” said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried.
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@david8hughes: [wife leaving for the weekend] "Baby formula is in the cupbo--" "I think I know how to make a baby. Now go & enjoy your dad's funeral."
@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle
@Rollinintheseat: They say a woman deserves a man that looks at her every day like it's the first time he's seen her. It's wrong to promote Alzheimer's.