@freypalm: “Welcome to Fight Club,” said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried.
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@AristotlesNZ: Turns out exposing yourself to different cultures just gets you arrested in multiple countries.
@DCpierson: A warlock cursed me to forever be standing in line behind people trying to remember the name of a movie, and I know exactly what movie it is
@Parentpains: My wife said she wished she never woke up this morning. Turns out we do have something in common.
@KindOfASmartass: I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.