@KentWGraham: I’m glad they call themselves attorneys-at-law. I wouldn’t want to accidently hire an attorney-at-baking or an attorney-at-pottery.

@Brampersandon_: [Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!

@XplodingUnicorn: Reasons I put my kids to bed on time: 3) They need their rest. 2) Routine is important. 1) "Game of Thrones" is on.

@noog: [white house staff meeting] Obama: Any questions? *Biden raises hand* Obama: Spongebob is yellow Joe. *Biden returns to coloring book*

@GensPlace: Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice...