@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:
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@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
@kiel_phillips: DOCTOR: I think you have a curvature of the upper spine QUASIMODO: That a diagnosis? D: We need an X-ray to confirm. Right now it's a hunch
@murrman5: [me out of breath] yeah I might be shooting a rap video so what? [wife home 20 mins early] is that why the dog is painted like a cheetah?
@13spencer: People who like "The Bachelor" are like racists; you know they're out there, but you just hope your friends don't feel that way.