@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:
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@ValeeGrrl: NEWLYWED FRIEND: i just love him so much, i always want to be around him! ME: you haven't heard him eat cereal yet, have you
@meladoodle: A demon that writes messages on your mirror with blood but they're useful messages. Like "remember you have yoga at 6 tonight"
@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
@WheelTod: If your kid is having nightmares & keeps getting in bed with you in the night, a great solution is to go to sleep in full clown makeup.