@PajamaStew: "Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."
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@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@somecleverthing: I just had the thought "pfft. Your father can't die before you are born," and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [NASA press conf] "good news: we found a cat on Mars" REPORTER: & the bad news? "[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"