@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,
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@Book_Krazy: Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males
@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
@truegritrumble: WIFE:The pinata is in the tree out back ME:Huh? I sent the kids to the one in front W:What one in front? *angry bees are just everywhere*