@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,
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@chuuew: ME: [gets into a car accident] EMT: Sir, please step out of the vehicle, we're trying to save lives
@cheeky__gal: The spider I just killed with a napkin isn't in the napkin, and now I'm in a circle of salt reciting incantations.