@goolicker: Welcome to twitter, where nobody uses their right to remain silent.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
@halvewit: I think my neighbor is very sick. I have now seen him putting no less than six of his arms in his garbage over the past year.
@kibblesmith: Parents Then: YOU'RE GOING TO SMOKE THE WHOLE CARTON, MISTER. Parents Today: Explain it to me again ... You're a Nazi, but on the computer?
@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.