@atanenhaus: Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
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@writerPT: We've got people working on world peace, and I'm here wondering how I can swipe a piece of my patient's chocolate without her noticing.
@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
@WheelTod: *Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness
@InternetHippo: [halloween at the retirement home where i work] Boss: You can’t wear that costume here Me (leaning on my scythe): Why not