@lecalabara: Well at least the world isn't spinning uncontrollably around a huge ball of fire.
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@mishakey: How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
@AlexvanBeek: A spider so big you politely ask it to leave the premises & then sheepishly accept its refusal with all the dignity of a French surrender.
@timdonakowski: Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage.