@Adam_Kingsnorth: Well doctor, my problem is basically this: when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
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@PabloGSerski: Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Had no idea why my salad was $175, 'til the waiter explained that they only use Beets by Dre.
@electrolemon: HARRY JR: what do you see in the mirror of desire, papa HARRY SR: well if i look closely i see you mowing the lawn this morning like i asked
@ruinedpicnic: "I want you back in my arms..." - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed