@megalot_: Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so
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@simoncholland: When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.
@whereami18: A woman just asked me to "unpark her car" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do
@kellyoxford: 7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
@SuSuSuDonym: If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made.