@__MICHAELJ0RDAN: Well if you cant buy babys at Babys R Us what in the world do they sell?
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@mrjohndarby: Cop: I have bad news. It's your son. You need to come down to the mortuary Mom: But…how? Cop: Maybe get a cab?
@mrtruthandsoul: The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you're the one that farted
@TheToddWilliams: Man: You've been very loyal but it's best we part ways Dog: I don't understand. What's the problem? Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.
@LurkAtHomeMom: I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance.