@duplicitron: Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: How did you get this black eye? Me: Walked into a door Doc: Really? Me: I was using my phone lying down and dropped it on my face
@kcmoore51: 13: I have a friend that doesn't like baseball, chocolate, or bacon. Me: Pretty sure that's not a friend, bro.
@poe927: Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation
@behindyourback: even worse than arguing with a stupid person online is when an even stupider person joins in but they're on your side