@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you.
-Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.
@weismanjake: If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime" just say "I'm ready to hang out right now" and watch them panic
@DurtMcHurtt: My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my..
@Reverend_Scott: Superman: Only one cookie left.
Batman: Rock, paper, scissors for it?
Superman: 1, 2, 3, GO!
Batman: *pulls out Kryptonite and eats cookie*
@garrettbarry70: Just shook a piece of cellophane off my finger and now I'm exhausted.
@tinatbh: i hate when adults make fun of u and ask if u bought ur jeans with all the holes in them. why don’t u go fix the holes in our economy robert