@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you.
-Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.
@Ameiam: My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*
@drunktweets81: My chair at work is really uncomfortable. I wonder if a stool softener will work.
@bridger_w: Sad thing is, they probably never even gave it a chance
@Brampersandon_: [Shark Tank]
Ok hear me out.
It's an airplane made out of cats.
It cant crash. Always lands on it's feet.
@heroinsdemise: Women's magazines:
20 pages "accept yourself"
40 pages "loose 30kgs in 4 weeks"