@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"
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@Fred_Delicious: [Getting waterboarded] "Um, sir the subject isn't responding to interrogation, he's just getting bigger" [Me, a sponge] "MwahahaHAHAHAA"
@Hobo_Splendido: For the low, low price of $14.95, I'll send you my instructional DVD, "How to Succeed as a Con Man."
@WarrenHolstein: Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone.
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"