@LoveNLunchmeat: Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis.
@VodkaShorebird: GUY 1: Why can’t we skip rope without society judging us? GUY 2: What if we occasionally beat the crap out of each other? Boxing is born.
@KentWGraham: After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
@vineyille: Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*