@AristotlesNZ: We'll take these $75 baby shoes. No need for a shoe box. We'll just let him wear & outgrow them on the car ride home.
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@kibblesmith: Nice try "Marco Rubio" — or should I say... [rearranges letters] "BIRAC UBOMA" [audience gasps]
@The_Sculptress: If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
@hippieswordfish: WAITER: what can i get you ME: what do you recommend WAITER: i recommend that you tell me what you want to eat
@LADaddy: [At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay.