Well thank you auto correct for changing "I wish you were here" to "I wish you were her". I didn't wanna have sex anyways.

@meganamram: It was definitely Adam and Steve - what kind of straight man hangs out in a garden??

1

@ThisOneSayz: *on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!

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@brennadine: Cinderella taught me that everything will work out just fine so long as you have unconscionably small feet.

4

@01CandyQueen: Bae: come over Me: do you have food? Bae: my parents aren't home Me: Are they gonna come back with food?

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@BaneTheBOSS: What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? "the Dark Knight Rises"

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