@DaddyJew: Well thank you auto correct for changing "I wish you were here" to "I wish you were her". I didn't wanna have sex anyways.
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@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
@leshnevsky: Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.