@DaddyJew: Well thank you auto correct for changing "I wish you were here" to "I wish you were her". I didn't wanna have sex anyways.
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@Darlainky: What I wanted to do was look cute making dirt angels for Earth Day. What I did was ruin an entire outfit.
@AndrewsNotFunny: *I enter the bank and draw a weapon* Teller: holy shit Me: what Teller: you suck at art
@tuckerflodman: Dessert police! Open up! *breaks down door* Freeze! Cake it easy man, I'm Pudding you in Custardy! "Ugh, well isn't this just Flantastic."
@Furry_Beaver: My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering "because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed" just gets you sent to HR.