Well thank you auto correct for changing "I wish you were here" to "I wish you were her". I didn't wanna have sex anyways.

@TheFearBoners: Hey Texas, in Florida it's legal to abort other people's kids up to 17 years.

1

@Smug_Lemur: Possible Tic-Tac-Toe results: a.) it's a tie b.) you're an idiot

1

@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.

105

@leshnevsky: Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.

1

@Savage_Scavange: Apparently there's enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.

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