@Brianhopecomedy: Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.
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@hazelmotes1: I like to wear fur coats, but fur is murder, so I just tied 15 live badgers together and this coat is really scratchy and bitey.
@YesItsAl: My daughter knows what a meth lab is thanks to an episode of The Simpsons. At least that's what I had to tell child services just now.
@iwearaonesie: squirrel mom: Remember what I told you squirrel son: "Always look both ways before I finish crossing the street"
@samalmightysam: If Socrates had been a woman, he would've said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear.