@Brianhopecomedy: Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.
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@iwearaonesie: wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?
@hyperblastchic: Me singing: Then I saw her face!! Now I'm a Beliber! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! Roommate: You DO know that's a guy...right?
@BoutCrazed: The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little "boyfriend" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison.