@Vodkantots: Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year.
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@audipenny: Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body
@flashember: TRANSLATORS: we're done, sire. 7 years. Every last word painstakingly translated into English. KING JAMES I: call it the King James Bible
@bornmiserable: when I die, cross my arms in the casket so I'll look like I'm disappointed in everyone who comes to view my body at the funeral
@ShittyComedian: The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight.