@Thee1_4U: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who hired me looking over my shoulder, watching me stare at my phone... Brb.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...
@proEXgirlfriend: Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet.
@dafloydsta: [therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family
@aligarchy: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here