@Thee1_4U: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who hired me looking over my shoulder, watching me stare at my phone... Brb.
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@thenatewolf: *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs
@causticbob: I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble
@4handfuls: Her: What are your passions? Him: Meditating and gourmet food & drinks. Narrator: Which was code for sleeping, Cheez-its, and Capri Suns.
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.