@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...
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@UncleDuke1969: *opens "Job Interview Handbook" *reads "dress for the job you want" *goes to computer *opens browser *Googles "ladies' bicycle seat costume"
@_Bad_Karma: 911:What's your emergency? M:I've been shot.. 911:ok sir,keep calm now.. M:thru the heart..and you're to blame 911:Mr Jovi,this has to stop.
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.