@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...
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@Diversion50: [at interview] INTERVIEWER: Who inspires you? ME: Peter Piper. INTERVIEWER: What does he do? ME: It's difficult to say.
@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.
@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.