@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...
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@Mike_Bianchi: A bathroom scale that when you stand on it just says "Your body is but a point in space; your life, a differential of time."
@leshnevsky: If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.
@grammar_c**t: "I love you" can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to "I got this round."
@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.