@AGStr8upNinja: I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches.

@aka_fatman: Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn't agree with me. [Inside my stomach] Chicken Quesadilla: "The Notebook" was an overrated film.

@leez_rat: Ur hot plz marry me. *no reply* OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO

@jergarl: I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship.

@Jennuflect: [taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard