@kumailn: "Well we've been looking for this multiple homicide suspect for 5 minutes. Time to close the investigation forever." - cops in GTA 5
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@sip_at_home_mom: If my toddler doesn't stay in bed this time, he's watching Game of Thrones. I don't even care that he hasn't seen the first season yet.
@thenatewolf: Hello, I'm a bird, I survived since dinosaurs roamed the earth but windows are too much for me to figure out.
@papasuncle: Son: I’m scared of bees Me (very wise): Eventually every letter of the alphabet will terrify you