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@Douchekevin: Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along.
@david8hughes: "I'll take the Batmobile. Robin, you take the--" [Robin doing up laces] "The Batskates, yeah I know."
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You put the wrong date on this. Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up. Wife: You wrote 1992.