@idiosity: Went by the house where I grew up. Asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face. My parents can be so rude.
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@CulturedRuffian: My favorite part of riding an elevator is staring at my phone while avoiding eye contact with the person I just tried to close the doors on.
@oakhillbargrill: Me: So it's kittens... driving sports cars!! Studio Head: I need security up here NOW. Me: PLEASE DON'T REJECT "THE FAST AND THE FURRIEST"
@ElgatoEsmio: [trapped on a patch of ice that's melting in the Arctic ocean] [rubs Genie bottle] “can you hook me up with some wifi?"
@lwhit_the_boss: If Jay-Z is married to Beyonce and is a multimillionaire and still has 99 problems then there ain't no hope for the rest of us