@lovemydogduck: Went for a 4 mile run this morning. Now everything hurts... even my eyelashes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KevinHart4real: Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant
@ThatDudeF: Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new 'I walked to school in the snow without shoes'
@XplodingUnicorn: [out to eat with in-laws] Me: Waiter, your cheapest bottle of champagne Wife: Hey these are my parents Me: Waiter, 4 glasses of tap water
@SamGrittner: I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.