@lovemydogduck: Went for a 4 mile run this morning. Now everything hurts... even my eyelashes.
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@BoomBoomBetty: The worst part about having PMS in the winter is the ground is too frozen to bury the bodies.
@BriarSlyMalice: SHE has the mouth of a sailor... ...that recently retired & started a new career as a trucker.
@Sassafrantz: Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]