@Tmoney68: Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he's a great dentist so I let it go.
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@JhonRules: *dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit
@Underchilde: If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
@SortaBad: "I can't wait to see what my Happy Meal prize is! Wait...what the -" [U2 is playing a free concert in the box]
@thesupergrobi: Stop telling men beards alone will make women love them when everyone knows they need to play the guitar too.