@Brianhopecomedy: Went into Dollar Store. Asked for a dollar. Cashier did not give me one. Suing company for false advertising.
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@TheRobCee: [furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk] "Don't you wish there was an easier way?" [cut to carton of butter milk]
@gerryhallcomedy: There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: Disney couldn't handle my awesome script. Kylo Ren was Rey's father. Finn was her brother. Chewbacca was her cousin twice removed.