@Brianhopecomedy: Went into Dollar Store. Asked for a dollar. Cashier did not give me one. Suing company for false advertising.
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@robfee: If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president.
@3sunzzz: Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible.
@deardilettante: If I were Cinderella, I wouldn't have settled for a guy who couldn't even remember what my face looked like.