@shwebby3: Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor's front yard
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@3sunzzz: Neighbor: Your dog barks a lot. Me: Isn't your kid the one that plays her recorder outside every summer? N: So? M: So, I can't help you.
@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
@autocorrects: I don't understand why some snacks are "fun-sized", there's really nothing "fun" about having a smaller portion of food.