@shwebby3: Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor's front yard
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@DumbConfessions: Walmart greeter smiled at me. Long story short, the weddings Friday. Everyone's invited. Except Harold. HE said I'd NEVER find true love.
@Reverend_Scott: [praying mantis home] "Happy Mother's Day, mom" Aww, thank u, son "Mom, why did Dad leave?" [turns head away 180°] I was hungry
@LeBearGirdle: *texting with girls* Her: I <3 you Me:[throws phone in disgust but picks it up and texts back angrily] you're less than 3