@Brianhopecomedy: Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult.
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@PharmerRPh: Judge: "Reason for divorce?" Me: "Reconcilable differences." Judge: "Don't you mean irreconcilable?" Me: "Ugh. You sound just like her."
@Book_Krazy: I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist.
@WilliamAder: Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?
@SondraDeeMe: I date men whom have their life paths laid out firmly and don't waver. Yes, their paths are Psycho and Socio, but consistency is admirable.