@CaptainJerkwad: Went to a restaurant. The sign said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the renaissance
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@NicestHippo: If any of you guys are considering law school, please keep in mind I passed the bar exam in multiple states & now I'm a purple hippo online
@bradgage: ISIS frequently takes credit for random attacks even when they had nothing to do with them, making ISIS basically the Fat Jew of terrorism
@Gre_Gone: [Ad shows dude getting out of bed before noon on the weekend] *professional stuntman do not attempt*
@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.