@JAdomian: Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but "what if the Nazis didn't care about fitness?" comes close.
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@droidbears: [caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit
@kumailn: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I like a guy with good Southern values ME: [trying to impress her] I was raised by penguins
@kelownagoose: A grown mans' nemesis should not be a classmate of my 7 year old. But here we are. *knocks juice box out of her hand.