@losdrogas: went to kiss a girl last night and her eyes rolled back and her head floated off her shoulders body burst into flames i am a bad kisser
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
@blairgarner: To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, "Here, just fill this out." ?
@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is