@Robski_Boy: Went to see a psychic without an appointment and he wasn't expecting me ?
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@DarthSteveus: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
@onion_an: Doctor: Your son is lactose intolerant Me: Oh my god [later that day] Me [runs into field and punches a cow]: That's for inventing milk
@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."