@WilliamAder: Went to the car wash and asked for one of those Brazilian wax jobs everyone's been talking about.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IamEnidColeslaw: I do this really cute thing where I yawn right before my girlfriend kisses me so I almost swallow her face
@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.
@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.