@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
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@mattingebretson: Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say "you did that"
@neiltyson: Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.
@MamaFizzles: 11yo said he can't wait to grow up so he won't have to do chores anymore. I had forgotten how cathartic it is to laugh until you cry.
@BradBroaddus: Make sure your blind date from the internet has a big car. Nothing worse than a trunk with no leg room.