@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
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@CelebrityChez: How to make pasta: -Boil water. -Put what you think couldn't possibly be too much pasta in the pot. -Wrong. -Start an Italian restaurant.
@SortaBad: Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?