@LindaInDisguise: Went to WalMart today and still had all my kids when I got home. Next week, I'll try harder.
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@heyevergreen: if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears
@bacon_gillepic: Stuffs more popcorn in my face* Why don't bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?
@DaddyJew: "Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?" "Yes" "Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed"