@sammyrhodes: “We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” - iPhone 6 Plus
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@Stellacopter: Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat.
@wittwitbarista: In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
@TheHyyyype: FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim
@WeissBrandon: When I see a couple and the women's pregnant. I always walk up and YELL "why don't you tell him who is really the father." and walk away