@EliTerry: WE'RE HERE. WE'RE QUEER. YOU'RE THE MAILMAN. I'M ED QUEER. THIS IS MY FAMILY. WE JUST MOVED IN. I'LL SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE. SORRY IM YELLING.
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@david8hughes: [drops son off for 1st day at daycare] "Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock." "Not a chance. He's your problem now."
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"
@Sickayduh: SON: what ya reading? DAD: a huge book on podiatry SON: how long is it? DAD: it's about a foot