@meganamram: We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you? *Whirls Around* Me: I'm not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I'm drinking!!
@BackrowSeats: Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way" was shortened from "Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way".
@amydillon: Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in. "What is this? It tastes like hair," said one ungrateful child.