@weinerdog4life: We're out of toilet paper, also don't pet the cat.
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@BillMc7: listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF
@dlicj: [at my grandmas house] MY GRANDMA (not the grandma whose house we're at but my other grandma): (to my grandma whose house we are at) hey
@RorynotRoy: "How fast can you hack into the system!?" "20-25 minutes." "You've got 10 minutes!" "Okay, well then I can't." - real life spy dialogues