@WilliamAder: We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BoomBoomBetty: I get it, Kevin McCallister. I, too, sometimes wish my family would disappear and leave me home alone with my own cheese pizza.
@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm really into the outdoors type. ME: [trying to impress] I'm homeless.