@WilliamAder: We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height
@suzieQ0007: My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.
@stephenjmolloy: [bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.
@GrantTanaka: I've been in Hawaii for a week & have learned that 99% of life's problems can be solved by throwing a coconut at it