@WilliamAder: We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.
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@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@WritePlay: *1st date* "Nothing's sexier than a man who can surprise me & make me laugh" *cut to me in her closet in a clown suit* "Hellooo soulmate"
@PuckingItUp: I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that.
@caribdonna: My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right.