@slimmy_shady: Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Dies At 84.Who wants to protest a funeral?
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@MoistPork: Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers.
@murrman5: [trying to avoid awkward silence on first date] you ever see a horse throw up? "no" *smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*
@AsgardianRose: Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no.
@SaraMansford: Maybe artists wouldn't be so starving all the time if they'd just eat all that fruit they're always painting.