@slimmy_shady: Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Dies At 84.Who wants to protest a funeral?
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@mattgallo123: "Don't be shy!" -people who don't understand how genetically determined character traits work
@ChipKellysBalls: It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them
@aka_fatman: Yesterday, I told my son about the Tooth Fairy. Today, I find 33 teeth under his pillow. Clearly they are not his. I am very, very afraid.