@aedison: We've all been talking about your paranoia.
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@Reverend_Scott: You see two puppies. "Awwwww!" But they're cannibal puppies! "Ahhhhhhh!" One puppy eats the other! "Ewwwww!" Then he takes a nap. "Awwwww!"
@XplodingUnicorn: [reading Harry Potter] Me: Do you know what's going on? 3-year-old: He went to lizard school. I'd correct her, but her version is better.
@teeaysmith: To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: HR: The delivery job is yours. Me: Great! HR: Do u have a reliable car? Me: Yes. HR: Model? Me: A little in college. How is that relevant?