@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.
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@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, "IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE" he fumes
@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.
@GrantTanaka: wife & I just overheard the kids talking about how they'll decorate the house after we die, so I guess we're sleeping in shifts from now on