@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.
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@highinamerica: Spell check changed "important" to "impotent" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up.
@kibblesmith: Hey "La La Land" remember when you gave us that fake happy ending and then took it away How's it feel
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog
@GianDoh: How can I relax when every aspect of my physical and mental state is governed by something called The Nervous System?