@iTomFoolery: We’ve had the selfie and now the selfie stick. So when will our phones be renamed Selfones.
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@SteveSuckington: "Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club." -Actually this is Oxymoron Club. "Ok, same difference." *looks at group* -Oh, this guy is good.
@NoTheOtherJohn: [Lies on resume about having gone to preschool] Boss: You're hired. Your first task is to make me a macaroni picture. Me: *eyes widen* what
@fightforfood: [dentist's full hand and wrist in my mouth, also his keys?] so u visited Spain u said? tell me. tell me every goddamn detail about Spain