@RandiLawson: We've replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump's speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let's see if he notices
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@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
@FatherWithTwins: Marriage is your wife: - Saying you are "the smartest person she knows" - But not trusting you to buy the right items at the store to make a salad
@bridger_w: Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave
@_thatigirl: 83 yo man, "You speak pretty good English for a Chinese girl". Me: "I'm caucasian". Him, "Well, any kind of Asian looks Chinese to me".