@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…
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@shawn_spree: My wife is still mad at me for that 20 minute blank stare I did when she asked me what I was thankful for on Thanksgiving day.
@BruceForce: Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP.
@chris_isloi: The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled "HOLD ON!" yet.